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ISIS Are Now Targeting Hipsters Who Wear Skinny Jeans And Smoke Cigarettes

Hipster Smoking

Probably their best policy yet.

Raqqa is Being Slaughtered Silently – a group which documents the activity of ISIS in Syria – is reporting that the organisation has now started targeting hipsters for wearing skinny jeans and smoking cigarettes.

They’ve announced that wearing skinny jeans is unlawful and un-Islamic and that anyone found dressed in them within the city will be imprisoned. They’re also dishing out the same punishment for anyone who is late for prayers or anyone who has music on their mobile phone, which seems completely and utterly bizarre really. The culprits are thrown in jail for ten days and only released after that if they pass a test on the laws of Islam. They also get fined.

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Hipsters

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Cigarette smokers have been targeted too and to be fair this does kind of make more sense as it goes directly against the teachings of the Quran and its prohibition of ‘slow suicide’. Unfortunately though these new laws do seem to be targeting hipsters as they tend to smoke cigarettes, wear skinny jeans and have music on their phones.  To be honest, throwing hipsters in jail for looking like dickheads sounds like the kind of policy I can get down with, but I’m obviously not down with the whole extreme Islamification angle that ISIS is repping.

Apparently teams of religious police patrol the seized cities over in Syria trying to find anyone breaking these laws. They then burn all the cigarettes in a huge bonfire and there’s loads of anti smoking propaganda as well. If they’re so against smoking, I don’t know why they don’t just stop cigarettes being sold in these cities rather than just seizing them and wasting loads of time busting hipsters for it. Seems a lot easier to do it that way but then I suppose ISIS aren’t exactly renowned for doing anything the easy way are they?

If you’re worried you might be a hipster and need clarification, check out these pictures of some accidental Chinese hipsters for help.

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