The Sick Chirpse Christmas Present Guide (NSFW)

What To Buy: Significant Other

Sex toys are always a fun gift idea, plus you avoid the awkwardness of having to remember what your better half is actually interested in and it’s sort of like partially buying a present for yourself. Popular options include a Vladimir Putin butt plug, a Justin Bieber sex doll or a personalised vibrator in the shape of your own head. Realistically they’ll probably enjoy something without a lifeless face – just don’t get them this explosive dildo.

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