All Hail King Justin Bieber


We take a look at how through twitter Justin Bieber and his army of Beliebers have pretty much become the next communist regime with the equivalent of western capitalism obviously coming in the form of Directioners. It’s Beliebers V Directioners and your country is probably next.


The realm of twitter is a perplexing and irrational place at the best of times but recently I’ve noticed the prevalence of celebrity fan bases and their incredible power to mobilise themselves to get trends to go worldwide. The most ardent set of fans without doubt belongs to that of the body-popping, baby-faced android that is Justin Bieber with swathes of trends from fans begging he visits their countries just the once.

The two latest countries to get involved with this are Greece and Poland, with the Greek Beliebers going particularly crazy for Justin to visit their country. There are in excess of 28,000 Beliebers on one account begging him to come to the country and another one with 22,000 followers as well as several smaller ones with slightly less followers. This is at least 10% of the population in the 15-24 demographic, which might not seem that much but is actually a shedload. It’s slightly less impressive in Poland without a real twitter account spearheading the movement but there are over 50 of them and each of them have at least 200 followers, which goes to show how widespread and popular this epidemic is becoming.

Here are a few screengrabs from the Greek and Polish regimes, with one particularly ardent Polish fan who seems to think it’s acceptable to retweet the same message over and over again. I would argue that all of them seem nauseating on some level and all of them are retarded on every level. I mean how will their lives change exactly if Justin notices them? How will they even know if Justin has noticed them? I don’t understand it at all. There is definitely some creative use of hashtags present in them though. Also make sure you make a note of the twitter handle of the Greek Beliebers crew. Pretty X rated, I’m sure you’ll agree, and I’m also concerned as to whether such a statement reflects the wishes of all Beliebers or not.

Belieber Greek Screengrab 1

Belieber Greek Screengrab 2

Belieber Greek Screengrab 3

Belieber Greek Screengrab 4

Belieber Greek Screengrab 5

Belieber Greek Screengrab 6

Belieber Greek Screengrab 7

Belieber Poland Screengrab 1

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These were the most recent entries to an ever-growing list. The mindset of the Beleibers as they call themselves is truly amazing and by amazing I mean utterly terrifying and what I imagine what living in North Korea is like. Ideals such as the fact that they believe that they all deserve to see Justin in concert and are all equal in his eyes are espoused without any encouragement which is again slightly worrying in the current world climate. Bieber has quite literally achieved political demigod status for having a floppy fringe and singing a few songs telling a bunch of twelve year olds about his fantastic boyfriend credentials and his premature emotional maturity, finding his first love at 13.

Not only that but his followers show an unprecedented compassion for other fan which is reminiscent of scientology or something in terms of the unity shown by members of the ‘organisation.’ In the two aforementioned trends many tweeters were not from Poland or were of Hellenic persuasion, rather they were from Asia and America and wished to support their international comrades in their quest for a state visit from the “Guiding Star of the 21st Century” – sorry I mean King Justin – as they have been so supportive to his regime, sorry career.

The communist comparisons are mad scary and like any communist state there is always the great opponent of Western capitalism. Yes, Western capitalism in the eyes of a Belieber is the decadent One Direction fans or Directioners. You would have to be on bath salts to understand the buggery of logic behind this considering they are the same steaming pile of pish separated only by their differing unique and beautiful hair styles but yeah, apparently this is what’s going down in the world of 12 year old girls who may or may not inhabit the bodies of 12 year old girls or women over 30.

Though I only came across this animosity by chance, to those without a penchant for excreting tinsel you wouldn’t have a clue such inane sentiments existed, but my ball of ignorance was kicked violently in the face last weekend when I saw the trend “directonershatebeliebers” and the tweets involved in this trend which are quite literally a thesis against intelligent design. Not only are they extremely vitriolic in their tone with the issue being that some Beliebers were accusing One Direction of paying for votes in the ‘Raw Musical Ability Award’ by MTV (OMG!!!) – which was in turn denied virulently by the Directioners – but they were not united in their propaganda with many feeling embarrassment over the trend and some crackbrained – well more crackbrained – of the One Direction proletariat accusing the Beliebers of starting the trend themselves in a convoluted smear campaign! If I didn’t know better I might suggest that the Beliebers were basing their tactics on those present in 1984, but then I doubt that any of them know much about literature, aside from the latest Justin Bieber concert story book.

However, despite the beef that exists between most Beliebers and Directioners, there are some splinter groups that secretly yearn for the two factions to unite. Here’s a few of the more nauseating:

Belieber:Directioner Screengrab 2

Belieber:Directioner Screengrab 3

Belieber:Directioner Screengrab 4

That last one, just wow. There are also those who are confused by why Beliebers are getting involved in the Haylor debate. For God’s sake guys it’s not even our scene! If you don’t know what Haylor is take a wild guess and you’ll be right:

Belieber:Directioner Screengrab 1

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This whole episode left me curled up in a ball wailing for the apocalypse and pretty upset that it seemed to have passed us by and now all I have to look forward to are answers to questions such as ‘will Beliebers and Directioners ever see eye to eye?’ and ‘will Beliebers join fans of Haylor in their fight against the oppressive Directioners?’  To think that people across the world fight ACTUAL oppressive regimes so that their descendants are allowed to worship prepubescent, cliché spewing robots who they follow almost as blindly as they used to follow random dictators. Egyptians just you wait, you’ve got a lot to look forward to.


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