LIFE

Top 10 Best Cats Of All Time

Cats, cats, cats and cats. All the way through: cats.

According to the Daily Mail, the internet is 85% porn, 36% cats and the remaining 12% is filled up with the Kardashians. I’m not sure that I trust their figures, but what I do know is that cats are a pretty big feature on the WWW.

I’m not a particularly massive cat fan, neither am I particularly interested in dogs. I’m actually allergic to both, so they can basically all frig off. But I do understand that I am alone in this, and that humanity at large seems to really dig the feline form.

The ancient Egyptians loved them and since then, pretty much every culture in the world seems to get off on their furry companionship.

So, for your general enjoyment, I decided I would put together an all time top 10 best bunch of cats. I hope you enjoy reading it more than I did writing it, because, as I said, I’m pretty much “meh” about cats:

(Click through the following slides using the left and right keys).

Battle Cat

Last year's He-Man DVD release was surprisingly successful. (AP Photo/HO/Courtesy of BCI Eclipse)

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He-Man played a pivotal role during my youthful years. And Battle Cat was my favourite character. He was only cool about 30% of the time though, before he morphed into Battle Cat he was proper rubbish.

Maybe I have a soft spot because of my childhood love of He-Man (not in a gay way, no), but if you don’t think this transformation is awesome then there’s something very wrong with your brain:

HEAR HIM ROAR!

Sunda Clouded Leopard

Sunda Clouded Leopard

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This stocky little cat is the biggest cat in Borneo. The sunda clouded leopard wields two-inch canines, which doesn’t win any size records, but in proportion to skull size it means that this Borneo cloud moggy has the biggest canines in the feline world.

Sunda Clouded Leopard 2

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And really, he just looks amazing. There’s only around 10,000 left in the wild though so I guess we’ll be saying goodbye to them soon enough.

Cat o’ Nine Tails

Cat O Nine Tails

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The cat o’ nine tails has seen a lot of business over the centuries. It was used by the Royal Navy as a punishment and was known as the “captain’s daughter”. It has also been used in loads of other countries as a form of punishment. It’s got a cool name and it looks cool and it’s pretty evil. That’s why it makes the list.

It’s basically a whip with 9 ends, and sometimes, for extra GBH, bits of stone or glass would be tied into the ends of the tails. In the early Australian penal colonies they had a cat o’ nine tails with lead balls attached to the end. Nasty stuff. Medieval torture basically.

The worst of the Naval punishments was called “flogging around the fleet”, this was reserved for the worst crimes, like mutiny. The naughty individual was flogged on his own boat, then rowed over to the next boat and received a flogging there and so on and so on until he’d been around all of the ships of the fleet, or the surgeon told them to stop.

FOT1028605

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After each flogging the crew would pour salty sea water into the wounds for additional suffering. They thought it would act as an antiseptic, but actually that’s not the case.

Sometimes the trip would take weeks or months to complete and the wounds would get infected and eventually kill the man.

OK, next up we have a real cat…

Liger

Liger Hercules Massive Cat

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Ligers are a cross between a male lion and a tigress. Tigers and lions never chill together in the wild, they live in different habitats, so these wonders of nature only happen in the zoo.

Liger Hercules Massive Cat 2

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They make the list because they are absolutely massive. That is all.

Ocelot

Ocelot Cool Cat

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Ocelot’s are cool looking, that’s why they make the cut into this hallowed top 10 of cats. Even the word “ocelot” is cool. They’re sort of a miniature leopard. Oh, and Dali had one.

Ocelot Cool Cat With Dali

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Ocelots live in South America and were hunted hard for their snazzy and jazzy outer coat. They are now protected but considered “vulnerable”. Bloody humans.

Scratchy

Itchy And Scratchy Copol Cat

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Scratchy, of Itchy & Scratchy, just has to be on this list. He takes such a major beating every single day of his life that he deserves a mention.

Let’s watch him get nailed shall we?:

And he just keeps coming back for more. What a legend.

CAT Scan

CAT Scan - Brain

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Cat scans (otherwise known as CT scans) were a real game changer as far as medical imaging was concerned. They basically take a bunch of X-rays at different angles and combine them into one amazing image.

CAT Scan - Brain 2

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Before CAT scans people really didn’t have a good idea of what their innards looked like, and that must have been rubbish.

Any Cat On Catnip

CAtnip Cat

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Catnip is basically cat weed. It contains a feline attractant called nepetalactone and that stuff is trippy, if you’re a cat.

Catnip Heaven

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It doesn’t affect all cats the same though, some couldn’t care less about it, but others get proper of their chops on the stuff. Hallucinations, the lot:

Even big cats like catnip:

Lolz.

This Tiger

Tiger Attacks Elephant and Rider

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This is one of the most terrifying videos I’ve ever seen that involves wildlife. You don’t even see this guy coming until it is waaaaay too late. Sheer power from the tiger:

How about that? That’s nuts isn’t it? I’m so glad there aren’t any big cats in Sussex… or are there?

1) The Argos CATalogue

Argos Catalogue 1980s

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YOU CAN BUY ANYTHING YOU LIKE IN THE WORLD FROM THE ARGOS CATALOGUE AND THEY DELIVER IT TO YOUR HOUSE.

Argos Catalogue 1980s headphones

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Also, it makes a good door stop and, if needs be, a weapon… oh, and roach.

The End. Thanks for stopping by cat lovers.


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