For the past 6 months, and in particular these last 5-6 weeks, I’ve quite often silently contemplated how little shit I could give about the Olympics.
From these summer my nan spent all day sipping rosé whilst watching sports on her sofa instead of letting me and my bro watch the cartoons, up until the day I found myself shedding a big human WTF at the big knuckle duster tucked underneath Tower Bridge (yeah it took me 2 min to get what it was), I’ve never had much interest for the Olympic Games, and, shall we say, sports in general. These days, I happen to work with a sport fanatic and I tried to share her enthusiasm for sports, but apart from perving in pubs during the Euro cup, or picking up tech words to impress the boys at the snow/skate park, there’s not much for me in the amazeballing joy of sports.
But there’s a tiny voice inside of me shouting that I should enjoy and embrace the spirit LNDONO 2102*. First of all, because it’s not every day that an international, old-as-fuck event is actually happening on my doorstep, second of all, because if everyone from +200 countries all around the world are all head over feet about it, there must be something for me in there…
Here’s are the reasons I have managed to list so far:
- I got to see Jay-Z and friends for a third of the price of one cocktail and I only had to go through a metal scanner and anal search.
- I can go and get lost in Stratfields (The Westfields of the East) and it’s barely scary if you avoid Forever 21.
- I now get my 3 am bagel on Asphalt Lane. Wait, there’s an alternative at Nandos and a Subway now too.
- There are lots of funny things and funny looking people around me which are NOT skinny jeans and furry faces. Apparently they all got a giant badge around their neck and a BMI higher than my weekly rent.
- Nobody can use the O-word, the L-word and the year of this year in any publication that isn’t factual. Fun times.
- More importantly, it’s anyone’s best change to be chosen by a god coming from the outer space for eternal joy, in exchange of spare change .
According to the New Humanist, the Scientologists have raised enough donations to start Project Fuck The Rings: they are targeting the Olympics to distribute 2 millions of copies of their booklet “The Way to Happiness” during the festivities, in order to create a calm oil spread upon the raging sea of visitors from around the world.
Some of us are wondering whether Hubby and his gang will manage to spew their oily bits through the tight nets of security snipers, dancing cops, PR gurus, Laser fitted Policemen Wenlock, Illegal words, the SuperCrippled and many more… Others may question how many trees had to pay the price of happiness…
I’m just asking: who the fuck wouldn’t be up for a bit more happiness ?! So far there’s been so much fun to be had and it’s all up for grabs!
Thank you, LDONNO 1202*, thank you very much!
* Dodging copyright mayhem here.
Follow Marion at @mrwlfx