THC FC: A Marijuana-Themed Football Team Of Pothead Players Past And Present – Sick Chirpse

THC FC: A Marijuana-Themed Football Team Of Pothead Players Past And Present

THC FC – the modern day ‘blazing squad’.


THC FC: A Marijuana-Themed Football Team Of Pothead Players Past And Present

Most fantasy football ‘dream teams’ revolve around mouthwatering tactical and technical potential, featuring players that will only ever be teammates in our imaginations. The former Ajax rising stars that could’ve stayed, meaning a strike partnership of Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Luis Suarez, for example. Or a cross-generational England team, where Paul Scholes is not only finally played in the right position, but is joined on paper by none other than Sir Bobby Charlton.

The fictitious Tetrahydrocannabinol Football Club, however, is simply a fun, light-hearted (and light-headed) offering. All that’s required to make the team is having a name that sounds like, or relates to, weed culture in some way. These footballers, while often world-class, aren’t here due to status or ability, but something far more important: being absolutely pun-tastic.

The marijuana-themed starting XI is lined up in a good old-fashioned 4-4-2 (though, shouldn’t it really be 4-2-0?) formation…

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 05: Edwin van der Sar celebrates after Ji-Sung Park of Manchester United scores the first goal of the game during the UEFA Champions League Semi Final Second Leg match between Arsenal and Manchester United at Emirates Stadium on May 5, 2009 in London, England. (Photo by Shaun Botterill/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Edwin van der Sar

Goalkeeper: Edwin Ganja Sar (Van der Sar)

A towering six-foot-six, the rangy former Ajax and Man United shot-stopper takes the expression being ‘high’ to a new level. His physical stature, footballing pedigree and of course Dutch coffee-shop ganja, means he gets the nod over the more obvious choice of Rob Green.


Right Back: Mauricio Rizla (Isla)

Isla, who once had a brief spell at QPR, is fully utilised by combining his defensive duties with those of rolling-up. Equipped with a half-ounce, some RAW filter tips, and a fresh pack of Rizla Blue Kingsize Slim papers, the versatile Chilean would rustle up some nutritious half-time snacks for the fatigued players.


Centre Back: John ‘Stoned’ Stones

Given his dozy, error-strewn performances for Manchester City this season, it wouldn’t be a huge surprise to discover that Pep Guardiola’s new £50 Million signing from Everton had been secretly getting stoned with rebellious teammate Raheem Sterling in the dressing room before matches.


Centre Back: Fabio ‘Cannabis’ Cannavaro

The legendary World Cup-winning Italy defender was once injected with legal cardiac drug neoton to help him de-stress before playing in a UEFA Cup Final for Parma. If he wants a relaxant, though, there’s a far more pleasant, naturally grown option readily available…


Left Back: John Arne Reefer (Riise)

Most recently playing in the Indian Super League for Chennaiyin, the Norwegian was known for having an absolute sledgehammer of a left-foot. His thunderbolt free-kicks for Liverpool were so powerful, they probably could have scorched reefer into flames just as well as any lighter could.

SEVILLE, SPAIN - AUGUST 30: Michael Krohn-Dehli of Sevilla FC controls the ball during the La Liga match between Sevilla FC and Club Atletico de Madrid at Estadio Ramon Sanchez Pizjuan on August 30, 2015 in Seville, Spain. (Photo by Gonzalo Arroyo Moreno/Getty Images)

Right Wing: Michael Chronic-Daily (Krohn-Dehli)

Denmark and Sevilla playmaker Krohn-Dehli has the coolest name on this list. It evokes Dr Dre’s West Coast hip-hop albums The Chronic and 2001, in particular the latter’s memorable, blunt-toting G-Funk anthem ‘Smoke Weed Everyday’. For this, he earns the coveted THC captaincy.

LONDON, ENGLAND - MARCH 11: Blaise Matuidi of PSG runs with the ball during the UEFA Champions League Round of 16, second leg match between Chelsea and Paris Saint-Germain at Stamford Bridge on March 11, 2015 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images)

Centre Midfield: Blaise ‘Blazed’ Matuidi

Even without the slight alteration, Paris Saint Germain’s bundle of energy Blaise Matuidi has the most weed-friendly name in world football, and is thus the first on this team sheet. When the final whistle eventually sounds, the Frenchman goes out in a blaze of bud smoke and glory.


Centre Midfield: Toke (Koke)

Koke rhymes with ‘okay’, so admittedly the Atletico Madrid star’s inclusion is more of a visual pun than an oral one. Still, it’s a diminutive of his full name, which translates into English as ‘George Resurrection’ – that alone is reason enough for his place in the toke squad.

BAS 01 - BUENOS AIRES (ARGENTINA), 20/04/07.- Foto de marzo de 2007 del ex jugador de Diego Armando Maradona mientras observa un partido de f˙tbol, desde su palco en el estadio de la Bombonera, en Buenos Aires. Seg˙n dijo el mÈdico personal de Maradona, Alfredo Cahe, el ex futbolista "est· tomando conciencia de la gravedad de su cuadro" y que "la semana prÛxima ser· derivado a una clÌnica psiqui·trica" para completar su tratamiento. Maradona se encuentra ingresado desde el viernes pasado en el sanatorio De los Arcos, de Buenos Aires, por una recaÌda tras sufrir una hepatitis tÛxica abguda por el consumo de alcohol que lo mantuvo internado durante 13 dÌas en otro centro asistencial. EFE/CÈzaro De Luca

Left Wing: Diego ‘Marijuana’ Maradona

El Diego, the Argentinian golden boy and Napoli cult hero, needs no introduction. He famously enjoys puffing on Cohiba cigars – so it surely figures that the ‘Hand of God’ goalscorer would appreciate the ‘Herb of God’ too? It would certainly make a welcome change from all that cocaine and ephedrine.

5 Jul 1994: Roberto Baggio of Italy celebrates scoring the winning goal during the FIFA World Cup Finals 1994 second round match against Nigeria played at the Foxboro Stadium, in Boston, Massachusetts. Italy won the match 2-1 after extra-time. Mandatory Credit: Rick Stewart /Allsport

Centre Forward: Roberto ‘Baggie’ Baggio

Dubbed ‘The Divine Ponytail’, the former Fiorentina and Juventus icon is a convert to Buddhism. After getting through a few choice baggies of OG Kush or Sour Diesel in the chalice, Baggio could very easily become partial to dreadlocks and Rastafarianism too.


Centre Forward: Filippo ‘Zippo’ Inzaghi

The former AC Milan goal-hanger’s actual nickname – Pippo, after an Italian cartoon character – is equally perfect for this team, being a combination of ‘Zippo’ and ‘Pipe’. Let’s hope Inzaghi’s skills at lighting up the THC FC post-match joints are better than his ability to stay onside in this all-Italian front line.

Manager: Dank High-kaard, otherwise known as Frank Rijkaard

A tough choice, but one-time Barcelona and Galatasaray manager Rijkaard just edges out Mark Hughes (nicknamed ‘Sparky’) and Gary Skunk (AKA Monk) to the post, due to being a native of the European capital of cannabis, Amsterdam.


David de Gear, Hash-ley Cole, Winston Weed, Nathan Baked, Rigobert Bong, Gianluca Gram-shotter, Chris Blunt, Kevin Zoot-man, Nigel Reo-Toker, Marijuana Fellaini, Yasuhito Endo, Marc Stoner-mars, Gabriel Ag-bun-the-draw, Wayne Doobie

Thought of another one?

How about a team name, like Toke City or Crystal Chalice – or their stadium, the Santiago Burn-abeu? Tweet your weed football suggestions to @SickChirpse with the hashtag #THCFC

If you enjoyed this, check out the best and worst hardcore football fan tattoos ever. There are some good ones in there.

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