CHIRPSES

The Ten Most Disgusting Sex Acts As Described By Urban Dictionary

Ever done ‘The Alabama Hot Pocket’ before?

I’m pretty sure we all know what sex is, and I’m pretty sure we all know what Urban Dictionary is, so without further ado prepare to get educated about some of the grossest and weirdest stuff you can get up to in the bedroom with your better half. Although considering you’re Sick Chirpse readers, you’ve probably already tried most of it after you read this article we posted about the most depraved things people do for sexual gratification.

Anyway, here we go.

10. The Kentucky Klondike Bar

klondike

Definition: ‘The act of freezing a bowel movement and sexually penetrating another with the frozen bowel movement.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘I gave my secretary a Kentucky klondike bar last night for about five minutes. When it started to get soft, I gave her a Panamanian petting zoo.’

(Use the arrows below to scroll through the slides.)

9. The Panamanian Petting Zoo

Petting Zoo

Definition: ‘When one force one’s partner to pick the nuts and corn out of a bowel movement. The partner then presents the nuts and corn to in a cup or a dish. One then tosses the nuts and corn onto the bed where the partner eats them like a goat or other typical petting zoo animal. Can be combined with the Kentucky Klondike Bar.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘He gave his lunchlady a Kentucky klondike bar for as long as he could. It made sense for him to follow up with a Panamanian petting zoo.’

8. The Alabama Hot Pocket: 

hot pockets

Definition: 1.’the art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shit inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)’

2. ‘The Alabama Hot Pocket is a special fetish maneuver that roughly involves taking a shit into a woman’s vagina, typically followed up by a good ole fuckin’. The term “Alabama” originated from a lesser known, but crucial additional practice that involves “Porky Piggin'” the female who has recieved the Hot Pocket. In Alabama, you see, good old redneck boys, when bored, would fuck pig troughs or large, wet piles of mud. To properly perform the Porky Piggin’ follow-up procedure, one must take a massive shit onto the vagina WITHOUT spreading the lips. This creates a core that enters the woman, and then dregs that explode out all over her. By randomly stabbing with the cock, one will successfully Porky Piggin’ the girl… repeating, naturally, the action that would normally be associated with screwing a pile of mud or animal trough.’

3. ‘A vindictive procedure where a man wearing a condom uses a linement such as Icy Hot or Ben Gay-type heating rub as a condom lubricant (applied only to the exterior or the condom) to give a sexual partner (usually a woman) a nasty, painful surprise.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘She complained that my dong was so small that she could barely tell I was inside her, so I decided to give her an alabama hot-pocket — tell me you can’t feel THAT, bitch!’

7. The Flying Camel

Flying Camel

Definition: ‘As your gal is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘Man, I thought she would have been down with the flying camel, but she left after it freaked her out.’

6. Cold Lunch

Cold Lunch

Definition (a few here but they all mainly involve puking): 1. ‘The simple sexual act of forcing yourself to throw up into another person’s mouth, usually in the result of the other person eating it.’

2. ‘when a man pisses and freezes his piss into the shape of of dick. He then has the woman suck both his dick and the frozen piss popsicle at the same time until she eventually winds up with a mouth full of piss slush and cum.’

3. ‘To be deepthroated so hard you regurgitate on your partners penis and continue sucking.’

4. ‘The act of vomiting directly onto some chick’s head while she’s performing fellatio.’

Use it in a sentence: I felt sick from all the burritos I ate for lunch, so I just gave Kimberly a mexican cold lunch to help me bust a nut real quick.

5. Charizarding

Charizard

Definition: ‘When you light a girls pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz then flap your arms and say ‘You don’t have have enough badges to train me.’

Use it in a sentence: I want to evolve into a sexual Charmeleon, but I faint every time I Charizard.

4. Kennebunkport Surprise

Clam Chowder

Definition: ‘Secretly, sneakily, the male fills his mouth to near bursting with New England Clam Chowder. Then, whilst performing cunnilingus on a woman, he simultaneously punches both of his cheeks, thus blowing the clam chowder up the woman’s vagina.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘After months at sea, the old sailor gave the prostitute the old Kennebunkport Surprise, effectively combining the two things he loved most in this world: pussy and clam chowder.’

3. The Land Shark

Landshark

Definition: ‘The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘I have to be really drunk to try the land shark, but im usually too inebriated to run in a straight line, so i wake up very sore.’

2. Ballcuzi 

Jacuzzi

Definition: ‘Place your nuts in a bowl of warm water. Then have a girl put a straw into the bowl and blow bubbles under your balls. Rubber ducky is optional of course.’

Use it in a sentence: ‘Their hot tub was broken, so Lee and Jordan took turns in the ballcuzi.’

1. Munging

Graveyard

Definition: ‘The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse’s stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks’ll dig this one.’

Use it in a sentence: I sure did love munging the Thompson’s Daughter last week.


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