I am a little disillusioned with the superheroes of today. Batman is too narcissistic, Spiderman is too prepubescent to take seriously and Superman is frankly fruitier than a Pina Colada. If I’m meant to be entertained by the idea that when shit goes down there will be a masked vigilante ready to sweep in and fuck shit up, I want to see some real hardened criminals, I mean, imagine Iron Man snorting his way through a mountain of cocaine and speeding down Sunset Boulevard narrowly missing pedestrians. Oh, wait.
In short, have you ever wanted to see Spiderman shake it like he’s working for tips? Me neither.. Okay, I would (as long as it wasn’t Toby Maguire).
This video alone is enough to make Stan Lee spin in his eagerly awaiting grave. Here’s what would happen if you leave the more well known heroes from the Marvel and DC franchises alone in Atlanta with a few bottles of Grey Goose and not enough money to get home.
Something tells me that if this were the sexy spandex clad super-heroines of every adolescent males fantasy, this would have a lot more hits. Imagine if you will Wonder Woman bent over, popping for the birthday boy while Catwoman slid her way up and down a pole, the events all being captured on camera by Scarlett Johanssen as the Black Widow who occasionally screams ‘wooo! Girls gone wild!’. Supergirl however has been left out of this scenario because she is lame. She would probably call the feds and have the party shut down early anyway.
Anyway, the real questions this video raises are, ‘who hired this people for a child’s birthday and are they available for funeral booking?’ but I am far too busy early anticipating the bastardisation of ‘Rocket Raccoon’, yet another Marvel jerk off who will be smeared all over our screens in 2014 at the hands of James Gunn, director of the critically acclaimed ‘Scooby Doo‘ and ‘Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed‘. Don’t all rush out to prebook your tickets too soon.
In the meantime, check out what The Hulk is up to thesedays: The Hulk Is Getting A New Movie. Again