We’ve all been there:
Stranded. Alone. Scared. Embarrassed. Uncomfortable. 13 years old and High. With enough weed stuffed down our pants (which our mum bought us) to make it seem as if we’ve grown pubes. For every one of us who has got a blowback off an older sister’s desperate ugly friend to those who have chased the dragon – we’ve all been caught with grass by our fvcking mum.
The other thing we’ve all got in common is that each and every one of is has used the age old excuse of I’m just holding it for a friend. Are we fvck holding it for a friend – we’re just waiting until the first chance to pop some old school wrestling or kung fu movies on so we can get baked in peace.
However, no need to worry cos we’re here to help! Next time you get caught with a cheeky bit of doobie all you need to do is look danger square in the eye and call her a “hypocrite.” Not only did she used to do it when she was younger but she also swans around the house singing along to songs that advocate the use of heroin every day – warping your fragile little mind.
We were too late to help this kid – but we don’t want anyone else to have to stand around stating how morally bankrupt and explicitly cool they are as a result of their mum catching them with a spliff. (Although there aren’t enough people doing impressions of Bruce Willis in Die Hard 3 nowadays…)
Here’s a list of songs that you can guarantee she would have played in the background when you were a youngster. So, next time she calls you on smoking up just ask her why she drove you to it with her incessant need to bang on about smack at every given opportunity.
“Thanks a lot for indoctrinating me and forcing me into a life riddled with drug dependency, mum”
If it doesn’t work then hopefully it’ll buy you enough time flush your stash. Enjoy.