The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.
Here are the best from this week:
I’ve been using my step dads towel as a cum rag ever since he cheated on her 1 year ago. He hasn’t noticed.
I ate chicken last week.
I’m 21 soon and I’ve only shagged while sober once.
A guilty person
Messaged an ex from secondary school (I’m 21 now) while I was on the packet last week and luckily I fell asleep before she replied or it could have got embarrassing. Fast forward a week and we’re still talking. Pretty sure I’m still in love with her. She’s literally the most physically perfect bird I’ve ever met with the personality to match & I’ve been scrolling through her insta every night, while my girlfriend of 5 years sleeps next to me. Lol.
One time my ex girlfriend started to rub my nipples when were having sex. My initial reaction was “what the fuck are you doing” but eventually I got into it. 3 years later and now I can’t cum at all unless my nipples are being furiously twiddled.
This is a simple warning : when watching porn be sure the bluetooth is off. My husband invited his partners home for dinner; bunch of boring wankers. Said I was going to bed, but really just went off to wank and avoid them… 10 min in, I realise the house soundsystem is still connected. Bet it was the best dinner they ever had, but I worry about my kids hearing.
I listen to the Stranger Things theme tune on the way to work and it makes me feel like a badass.
Just shut up
I’ve taken a vow of silence purely to piss of my co-worker. She’s always talking to me because I’m the only one physically close to her desk in the office. Can’t wait to sign that I can’t talk to her on Monday.
The other night I got high and ordered two takeaways in one. Why have the munchies suddenly made a comeback to my life?
I catfish my girlfriends to check they’re loyal to me. Most of the time, they are.
I work from home on a Tuesday because I only have three serviceable smart work shirts and Friday is dress down.
I’ve always been the guy who gets cheated on. Well the past week I’ve been planning my revenge and to do it myself, met a lass of tinder, going well, she then sent me a pic of her lady parts. Game over. I’m never going to cheat I’ve decided.. Turkey twizzler and a hairy muff is a no no for me.
I decided to buy a dildo online as some desperate attempt to to spice up me and my boyfriends sex life, but after clicking the button on the laptop to buy this disgusting looking 10 inch beast, I realised to my horror I hadn’t changed my address details as I had just recently moved house. So instead of starting to plan a kinky night in with the bf I had actually mailed a huge rubber dick to someones house…and to make matters worse the person who had moved into my old house was my bfs ex girlfriends sister!!!. So no doubt if she saw the package with my name on it it was gona get opened. Ooohhh the humiliation! I tried desperately to chase the package up and get it sent to my new address but it was to late and already dispatched. ….Still waiting to see what happens….and I honestly don’t no whether to laugh or cry….the cringe is killing me!
So after 6 years of being in the army (17 to 23) I am set to leave in the next month have a house and job set up for me leaving but the only thing I’m really worried about is this is the first time in my life I’m going to be alone. To say I’m shitting myself is a massive understatement.
I was getting a BJ off a girl once who’s grandma had just died. While she sucking me off she began to cry. I asked if she was crying, she looked up and said no but I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks. I just said ok then and let her carry on. I’m not going to lie I got off on it.
Last week my girlfriend kicked me and after a few days she suggested we talked. She said that she wanted to try to work thing through. Instead of agreeing I said I needed a few more days to think. I went out and bought 2g of gak and spent the time higher than Jesus, wanking furiously to internet porn. Fml
Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next week.