Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #116 – Sick Chirpse

Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #116

Admit what you did.


Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #116

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Con 1


I fit in car technology at a well known shop, and had a fucking terrible Peugeot come in and me and my mate fitted a dash camera in it, we drove it round the car park slating the car and the customer coz she was fat as fuck, didn’t remember to delete the footage from the camera afterwards…. she’s now having a very serious sounding conversation with my boss… Pray for me.



I’m a girl and the only way I can properly orgasm is if I hump something, even when I’m shagging a guy I imagine shagging my pillow. Am I the only one cause I feel like a fucking dog! P.S. I cum every time.

Con 3

Wankman Dan

I still fantasise about my ex during sex. She’s happily married now, but I would give my left nut to spaf on her back one last time.

Con 4


I was on a ski season last winter and my girlfriend decides to come and visit me spontaneously. The night before she’s due to arrive I start getting close to a girl in a club, one thing leads to another and she comes back to my apartment. Without knowing this girl starts bleeding and is making a state of my sheets and clothes. It wasn’t until she left in the morning that I spotted I saw the bed sheets and clocked myself in the mirror (looked like I’d been 12 rounds with Tyson the amount of blood I had on my face). The little skank perioded over all my belongings, with about 2 hours until my girlfriend gets here. I briefed my flatmates on the situation who acted like complete hero’s to get shit sorted and she’s still none the wiser.

COn 5


Just read Mr E Person’s confession from last week about how he caught his Mrs sucking off two lads… That is how you do a confession. Fucking Brutal. Nearly choked on my lunch. Much like Mr E Person’s Mrs choked on those two lads.

Con 6


I’m a clean person, I shower every day and sometimes twice a day if it’s really hot, but when I’ve had sex I love not having a wash for as long as I can stand it, usually a couple of days max. Each time I pull my pants down e.g. for the toilet I get a whiff of pure sex and I really like it. It doesn’t turn me on exactly but I just love the smell of my happy vagina.

Con 7


I used to love going to festivals at summer and getting off my nut. Now all I do is sit at home and play video games/wank. I still get off my nut tho.

Con 8


Live been a life long Tory and have been lying to girls telling them I vote labour so they’ll have sex with me. Day after the election and I’m up to number 4.



Thought I’d got some chick pregnant recently. Had sex with her about four months back and I saw her for the first time since then and her belly was looking bloated. Turns out she’d just put on weight. Phew.

Con 10


It really pisses me off that all my girlfriend ever wants to watch is the Real Housewives of whatever. Seriously, it’s all she has ever watching since I’ve been with her and she refuses to sit down and concentrate on anything I suggest. I love her to bits but it’s making me think about leaving her for that reason alone.

Con 11


I really want to have a kid/kids but the problem is I’ve spent my entire life protesting the thought. I’ve had girlfriends who I love come and go and every single one of them I told them I didn’t want to settle down or have kids. Well now I’m 35 yrs old and I’m worried it’s getting too late. Why the fuck did I turn down the chance before?

Katy Perry plays 'Spill Your Guts...' with James Corden (ranks h


Is it me, or has Katy Perry gone really downhill?

Relaxation of woman taking shower


My roommate kept leaving me nasty notes whenever she was mad at me. So, one day I masturbated into her shampoo bottle. Revenge is sweet.

Con 14


I’m in my mid 20s. Shagged a bird who was in her 50s last night. So glad I can tick that one off of my bucket list! As an added bonus her 19y/o daughter knocked on the door this morning whilst we were shagging. She obviously knew what we were up to. She left a little later on, so I made a beeline for the front door without her daughter ever seeing my face. Question is, as an added bonus do I try and to shag the daughter now? I wonder if the moves you use in bed are genetic or learnt? You know, like nature or nurture?

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next week.

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