Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #108
The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.
Here are the best from this week:
Discovered that poundland do those spinny ashtrays that seal up earlier in the year, added one to the weekly shop and have never emptied an ashtray since.
It’s really fucked up but I really get off on fucking guys who are in relationships. It happened again on friday and it was the BEST sex! Seeing him again next week! Love being someone’s dirty little secret!!
It’s the simple things in life
I rent rooms in my house and there was a bloke renting a double room. This guy was so annoying really loud at night shouting on the phone amongst other things. Any way after asking him to keep it down and stop doing what ever it was and him carrying on doing it regardless, I would take a full piss in the watering can that he used to wash his arse (instead of toilet paper). I kicked him out today, think I am going to miss the satisfaction of knowing he was washing his arse with my piss the disrespectful twat.
I met a guy out partying once and we are good mates now, he has a stunning girlfriend who i also got on great with. we three are now pretty good friends. what he and her don’t know is I masturbate at least 3 times a week to his girlfriend’s Facebook photos.
With everything in the news with Trump and North Korea I am almost definite world war three is one its way.
Sometimes I chat up ugly chicks just to make them feel better about themselves.
I have this weird thing that I always somehow get girls to show me their ID or proof of age before I sleep with them. It all started with this chick I was shagging, she joked halway through that she was 14. She started laughing and reassured that she was joking but to this day I’ve never been the same.
I’m delighted at the news that KFC is on Justeat. I literally have no reason to ever leave the house again now.
Im glad I’m not the only person now confused on how I should wipe my backside.
I used to masturbate to Cilla Black on blind date and to this day I get turned on whenever I see a woman with a ginger 80s hairdo. RIP.
So today I had to work in the office with two girls and there’s only one toilet on our floor of the building.. anyway I needed an urgent dump, done the business and went to flush the toilet and broke the fucking handle off! Opened up the top bit and it was royalty fucked inside, couldn’t fix it so after about 15 mins I reached in and stuck the turd in the bin that was in the toilet… thought that I can’t leave it there as the girls will know so chucked it out the window. Thought I got away with it until we left the office and the turd bag was on one of the girls car bonnets ! FML
I am a drunk. I drink too much. And you know that is not easy to confess. ESPECIALLY when you are a Cool French Chick.
The boy who came wolf
Brought a girl back after a night out and for some reason thought it would be funny to pretend I’d cum within seconds. She left while I was still laughing.
Went on a weekend trip to Bournemouth once to see a mare and on a night out I got a blowjob off a girl in a Casino toilet before getting thrown out by the security, then proceeded to bang her down an alleyway before finishing, walking our separate ways and never talking again. Worst part is I drove straight to my girlfriends at the time the next morning and didn’t even have time for a shower!
Currently having a ketty shit in Spoons, Epsom and wondering how the human body is so fucked. Like surely we should have a better evolutionary response to chicken tikka masala by now.
Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next week.