Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football Round Up Week Three | Sick Chirpse

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Sick Chirpse Fantasy Football Round Up Week Three

By | on Sep 7, 2012

   
FOOTBALL

Week Three is over and so are the chances of the following teams amounting to anything better than a turd sinking to the bottom of the toilet:

Matthew Hurley’s 12 Fort
Nick Bourne’s Greenham Royals
Wes Holden’s Green FC
Tyler Casey’s 50 Shades of Goals
Steve French’s Anal Villa

All of which have amassed less than 50 points in their opening 3 weeks of football, to put that into perspective that’s only 20 points more than Michu has bagged by himself.

At the end of the table that people actually care about it seems that one turd really isn’t going to get flushed and after three weeks of hard graft Gavin Rapaport’s Poo is sitting cushty on 172 points.

On to the important matters at hand – STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING IMMEDIATELY AND DO NOT MAKE ANY TRANSFERS. It’s the international break and we all know that some of you are going to rush into putting people like Leighton Baines in your team but he might get injured for England as so many great talents often do. So to quote The Rock, “slow your role.”

Here’s the heroes and zeroes of Week Three in that order.

BIG HITTERS:

Robert Snodgrass did his best to reinvent himself as a Premier League footballer on the weekend as he ran the game for the Canaries. In a gracious attempt to distance himself from his Fragglerock-like name and appearance the goal-hungry winger managed to bag a goal at White Hart Lane to add to the assist he notched last week.

Special mention must go to Arsenal new-boys and potential gay power couple, Lukas Podolski and Santi Cazorla, who managed to take their off-the-field chemistry and apply it away at Anfield on Sunday. The shirtless lovers were at the heart of both of the goals as Arsenal dominated Liverpool; the first goal from Podolski on 31 minutes came from a Cazorla pass, before Podolski returned the favour for the Spanish winger’s second half goal.

The real hitter of the week has to go to the one the only, Robin Van Persie.  RVP, we hardly knew ye. As if anyone would ever have doubted the Premier League 11/12 Player of The Year and Golden Boot Winner – even though he he did the worst impression of an Andrea Pirlo penalty in recent memory. His hat-trick helped guide Manchester United to victory in the dying minutes against an unlucky Southampton side. Basically if you don’t have him in your team, you’re an idiot.

BIG SHITTERS:

There weren’t an overwhelming amount of shitters this week in comparison to Week Two when we were spoilt for choice – with more shit spewing out of the Prem than the average Spurs fan’s mouth.

Hardly any clean sheets across the Premiership this week; with clean sheets only coming the way of Arsenal, The Baggies and The Hammers. The biggest shock possibly came when Swansea let slip their perfect record by letting hired gun and Black Cat new boy Fletcher bag a brace against them. He can’t be entirely to blame but Chico and Swansea were certainly left to regret his decision to do the can-can around the head of Louis Saha as the latter belted down the left wing. Whether or not a connection was made – Saha hit the deck and Chico hit the showers early after doing his best to accumulate a solid -2 for the week.

The other big pile of shit this week, Shandy Carroll, was well on his way to making it into the Big Hitter pile until he pulled up around 68 minutes with a hamstring injury that was later said to have ruled him out for 6 weeks. With the play running through him all day the Hammers did their best to shock the Premiership with a 3-0 victory, 5 of the points going to the undervalued (on the fantasy price list) 5.8 million man. It was nice to see the big donkey not cutting a depleted figure for once but anyone who made the big decision of transferring him in when his loan was finalised, I’m afraid to say you have most likely wasted a transfer.

So that’s Week Three finished boys and girls – now it’s time for the international break so please don’t go making a shit load of transfers until you know exactly whose coming back from duty with a splint.  Here’s the league as it stands SickChirpsers:

POS Manager Team name Total points Week pts Starting
XI pts		 Starting
XI pos		 Goals Goal Pos Overall Position
1 Gavin Rapaport Poo 172 57 120 32986 14 2043 3368
2 Alex Prince Prince Boatengs 171 32 146 5130 14 2043 3615
3 Tom Sands Prison Break FC 159 25 148 4273 12 9353 8210
4 Daniel Ostridge Ajax Treesdown 155 47 127 21346 12 9353 10792
5 Huw Barker HavantGotAClueVille 152 60 152 2873 11 17301 13183
6 Trevor Brenson RJBs XI 151 42 151 3199 11 17301 14066
7 Peter Jones Joner 140 31 129 18657 11 17301 27757
8 Tom Shipley Apocalypse Dudes 138 52 109 59191 13 4549 30979
9 Emma Craig The Only Way Is Emma 137 30 122 29245 8 68728 32769
10 Dave Ward Pimp My Side 135 47 106 68112 11 17301 36353
10 Richard Dulieu Dyslexic CF 135 47 135 12269 8 68728 36353
12 Luke Skidmore bunchofslugs 130 32 122 29245 9 46567 46585
12 Terry Buckingham Real Madras 130 36 100 87795 10 29481 46585
14 Piers Dixon Dixon Balls FC 129 24 110 56473 7 95130 48841
15 James Blundell Blundells boys 128 36 130 17443 9 46567 51231
16 Neil Williams Lumpers and Kickers 127 31 92 116748 7 95130 53589
17 Johnny Callow Room 362 126 33 122 29245 5 153544 55962
18 Alex Crawshaw Crawshaw’s Commies 125 38 97 98355 11 17301 58483
19 John Ryan Obi – 1 Kanobi – 0 123 30 123 27425 8 68728 63607
20 Ross Stearny stearnpots barmyarmy 122 39 130 17443 10 29481 66300
21 Charlie Hey tiki taka jazz cats 120 26 120 32986 9 46567 71750
22 AlexanderMark Jones Dunblane Massacres 119 24 118 36986 8 68728 74591
23 Bobby Peliza bObbyDazzlers 118 29 121 31089 6 124056 77459
24 Daniel Guy Dans witwickys 117 29 117 39166 7 95130 80424
25 Anthony Ward Park Ji Wonders 116 34 118 36986 8 68728 83318
25 Mark Endicott Real Madreadfull 116 42 78 168730 11 17301 83318
27 Billy Mclean Barcemoaner 114 43 114 46088 8 68728 89269
27 David Williams Muffin stuffers 114 52 78 168730 10 29481 89269
27 Ross Williams Tepee Town FC 114 46 96 101983 9 46567 89269
30 Dan Filer ClubTropicanaDrinkFC 111 38 111 53798 6 124056 98523
30 Huw E Dynamo Kebab 111 20 90 124293 5 153544 98523
32 Michael Magee Mickey T FC 109 20 101 84275 5 153544 104777
33 Thomas Foley Unbelievable Crisps 106 32 72 188002 10 29481 114500
33 Tim Williams TIMW_BRAP KILLAS 106 44 96 101983 8 68728 114500
35 Elliott Henderson Barsenal 105 27 94 109272 4 181113 117697
35 Max Sheppard Fred West Ham 105 41 81 158021 7 95130 117697
37 Ben Lawson spunkin FC 102 32 107 65054 6 124056 127469
37 Sam MartinRoss Martin-Boss 102 21 71 191000 6 124056 127469
37 Shane Tremlin Trems Trash 102 31 82 154435 6 124056 127469
40 Nikul Patani Brown Bear United 101 28 101 84275 5 153544 130830
40 smart les lemon peng-win 101 22 101 84275 6 124056 130830
42 Anthony Ford 4 Dimensions 99 26 74 181805 8 68728 137415
42 Lee Walsh KeansaKunt 99 20 77 171989 9 46567 137415
42 Nick Reid OnOne United 99 23 99 91281 5 153544 137415
45 Josh Watkins bluesbrother 98 28 98 94740 7 95130 140584
45 Martyn Aeissame Gratuitous FC 98 24 98 94740 5 153544 140584
47 Matthew Stewart FC Boosh 97 30 97 98355 6 124056 143913
48 Christopher Davies T Dogg’s Ball Hoggs 96 18 79 165255 6 124056 147148
48 Luke Henderson Luke Ronald FC 96 24 96 101983 7 95130 147148
48 Ryan Williams Dirty Buffalo 96 24 96 101983 4 181113 147148
51 James Martin Tourist Attraction 94 27 94 109272 6 124056 153499
52 Mohamed Hussein Why Always Me FC 93 41 84 146980 6 124056 156652
52 Nestor Schischka The Winning One 93 31 93 113021 6 124056 156652
52 William Rowe Keefy’s Krunchers 93 34 92 116748 8 68728 156652
55 Blake Walton Walton Wonders 92 29 92 116748 5 153544 159795
55 Patrick Grayson real aycliffe 92 29 92 116748 5 153544 159795
57 Ben Rowland Atheist FC 91 31 88 131808 7 95130 162936
58 Craig Abbs Team abber 90 20 90 124293 6 124056 165985
58 Dean Webster Blues 90 34 90 124293 6 124056 165985
58 Robbie Atkinson diables Rouges 90 24 82 154435 5 153544 165985
58 Shaun Williams The Galacticos 90 16 78 168730 3 205022 165985
62 Aaron Hicks Proud’s Prodders 89 30 89 128109 5 153544 169047
62 Daniel Watson SirBobWouldBeProud 89 32 79 165255 3 205022 169047
62 Drew Walsh Real SocieLAD 89 21 88 131808 4 181113 169047
65 Luke Wyborn The Wombles 88 26 80 161661 3 205022 171946
65 Redwan Elharrak Real Talk 88 34 88 131808 4 181113 171946
67 Jon McLeish Bayern Bru 86 22 86 139338 3 205022 177820
67 Ryan Addams Fish fillet 86 32 76 175364 6 124056 177820
69 Daniel Haviland Warriors 85 31 85 143147 2 223275 180682
69 Louis Day Spews Stars 85 39 85 143147 7 95130 180682
71 Jeff Ingle Jeffentus 83 26 59 218229 5 153544 186331
72 Ashley Townsend 1 MANNING 1 CUP 81 31 42 234366 6 124056 191618
72 Matt Morris Morris FC 81 10 81 158021 4 181113 191618
74 Maxwell Hughes maxibon united 79 34 84 146980 6 124056 196739
75 David Hewitt football 78 22 78 168730 4 181113 199202
75 Michael Sinfield FC Scorgasm 78 24 78 168730 5 153544 199202
77 Jack Hopwood FC Kaiser 77 33 77 171989 4 181113 201497
77 Mark Guy butchys tanks 77 16 66 204141 6 124056 201497
79 Dave Bunker Team Bunker 75 27 43 233957 5 153544 205962
79 James Roberts WOOPWOOP United 75 32 85 143147 3 205022 205962
79 Jamie Sadur Skid Mark 75 24 75 178565 3 205022 205962
79 Nick Randles Quallo 75 33 75 178565 4 181113 205962
83 John Twinn Pav FC 74 17 74 181805 2 223275 208091
83 Toby Dennett Dennethinaikos 74 12 74 181805 2 223275 208091
85 Danny Sharpe Team Sharpey 73 21 73 184975 4 181113 210126
85 Nicky Greenhow Boomerwanger 73 11 70 193794 2 223275 210126
87 Alex Taylor leave-my-arse-a-lona 71 28 71 191000 6 124056 214188
87 Tomn Pitts Gareth Keenan Troops 71 17 71 191000 5 153544 214188
89 James Tootill BigDonFC 70 25 70 193794 4 181113 216057
89 John Hawkins Mmmmcustard 70 31 73 184975 5 153544 216057
91 Richard Gilbert Queefstars 69 27 69 196464 3 205022 217833
92 Sam Lister inter thevan 67 19 67 201585 2 223275 221057
93 David Armitage Real Betties 62 23 62 212598 2 223275 228038
94 Christian Adofo The Mandem 61 24 61 214632 2 223275 229308
95 Theodore Morgan DangALangTime 54 21 54 225478 5 153544 235980
96 Steve French Anal Villa 49 15 49 230467 0 244507 239217
97 Tyler Casey 50 Shades Of Goals 48 15 48 231232 0 244507 239724
98 Wes Holden Green FC 45 21 45 233053 2 223275 241044
99 Nick Bourne Greenham Royals 35 10 35 236073 1 236686 244049
100 Matthew Hurley 12fort 32 6 32 236397 1 236686 244702






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