As far as methods of marijuana smuggling across borders go, this is probably one of the most novel ways yet. A scuba diver was picked up in the early hours of the morning last week on the St. Clair River, which serves as the border between the United States and Canada or more specifically between Michigan and Ontario.
At roughly 1 a.m. some guy who was out boating (huh? Maybe if he was fishing but who the hell goes out boating at 1 a.m.? Or fishing for that matter too?) spotted a swimmer who looked as if he was heading to the U.S. side of the river. Being a complete and utter snitch he immediately decided to call the police and inform them of what he had seen. Good thing he had cell (sic) reception out on his boating trip, right?
The cops in Michigan immediately scrambled and contacted some command centre that operates cameras on the sea. They were able to track down the scuba diver with some night vision cameras. They sent the diver’s location to the agents and he was apprehended shortly afterwards as he was climbing up a seawell in Marine City Michigan. The way the night shift busted the guy so quickly makes it sound like it was probably the most interesting day of their lives for everyone involved in the operation. It must really be awesome to actually have something to do on one of those night shifts for once.
The pigs immediately frisked the scuba diver and found that he was carrying 3.6 kilograms of weed which he had stuffed in a waterproof pipe. The guy was identified as Jesse James Thomas Zunti and he was charged with possessing a controlled substance and his bail was set at $100,000. Ouch. To be fair the weed would probably have brought him a fair price in the United States but was it really worth scuba diving across a river in the middle of the night for?
Here’s Jesse’s mugshot. He looks like a real brain huh? Love the little David Villa style soul patch.
The border patrol explained that it was around a kilometre to swim that far, although the current is pretty strong as well so he could probably just drift for a bit and still make it. I’m not sure which sounds better though – actively swimming through a river late at night or just drifting? Both sound pretty terrible because one is a load of effort and the other is a load of waiting around in the cold, wet and dark.
Basically I think this guy’s whole plan sucked, and he wasn’t even transporting that much weed – although he would have made somewhere around $5000 – $8000 off it which isn’t SO bad for drifting down the river one night, but still if you’re gonna do that and take that risk I’d wanna be making at least five figures. It might have been a bit of a swim back against the current too and I would want to factor that in to my pay cheque.
In any case he got caught so he’s a chump and it probably would have been way easier to just smuggle it over the border or send a mule or bribe someone or any of the established ways of doing these things. You know, like a gigantic weed cannon to fire it over the border.
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