Whoa. If anyone had even suggested to me that a headline like that might ever be written – even on April Fool’s day – I would probably tell them to fvck off, but apparently it’s 100% true. Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, Pat Smear and Kurt Cobain Paul McCartney will be performing tonight at a special charity gig in New York City to help out the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  It’s been kept a secret for the past few weeks as the four have been jamming in preparation for the show tonight. Apparently they aren’t playing any Nirvana songs and they’re only gonna play a couple of new ones especially written for the show but STILL I think everyone in the world will agree with me that Paul McCartney is an utterly bewildering choice for these three guys to replace Kurt Cobain with. OK, I know they’re not technically replacing him but there is NO WAY ANYONE should try and play with those three guys, and to be honest those three guys shouldn’t really ever play together again either, just because whatever happens it’s gonna piss everyone off and not going to be anywhere near as good as Nirvana. In fact it’s probably going to sound like that awful Lou Reed/Metallica collaboration that everyone almost forgot existed until today when this cropped up to remind them.

To make things EVEN WORSE though Paul McCartney has unsurprisingly decided to be a complete prick about the whole event. Dave Grohl apparently called him up and asked him to jam with him and ‘some mates’ and he turned up and lo and behold it was Krist Novoselic and Pat Smear. I’m sure ANYONE ELSE in the world would think that this was completely incredible and be pretty humbled by the opportunity, but no Paul McCartney didn’t even know who they were. Here’s what he had to say: ‘I didn’t really know who they were. They were saying how good it is to be back together. I said “Whoa? You guys haven’t played together for all that time?” And somebody whispered to me “That’s Nirvana. You’re Kurt.” I couldn’t believe it.’

I know Nirvana isn’t as big as the Beatles but I think I speak again for everyone in the world when I say COME THE FUCK ON GUY, STOP BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE. Even if you didn’t know what they looked like you must have some idea of their names or some clue about them. I mean they were THE BIGGEST BAND IN THE WORLD and as a guy who’s a musician by trade you kind of think he might keep up with what was going on in the music world. I mean why did he even agree to go and jam with Dave Grohl? Has he just heard of Foo Fighters and not Nirvana?? Did he not realise that something was amiss/up when Dave Grohl was drumming and not playing guitar? What the actual fvck? Why couldn’t you believe it if you didn’t even know who these people were? Was it because you had been practicing Foo Fighters songs the day before because you thought you were gonna be playing them? Are you actually that much of a prick Paul McCartney? UGH he pisses me off so much, first he ruins the Olympic opening ceremony and now he ruins fvcking Nirvana. How can one guy be so annoying and such a prick about everything? And who the hell was this other person whispering to him at the band practice?

I guess the Mayans were right. If there was one thing that could signal the end of the world, then it could be Paul McCartney fronting Nirvana. I mean I’m sure that’s a world a lot of people don’t want to live in in any case.

Anyway, there will probably be some megalolz/megasad video of how shit this concert is tomorrow so make sure you check back for that. Anyone want a bet on whether it will be shitter than Lou Reed/Metallica or not? I don’t actually think it’s possible to be worse than that but I’ve got a feeling they’re gonna pull out all the stops with this one in terms of its capacity to be complete and utter horse shit.

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