On Sunday, at the Black Bear Casino resort near Carlton in Minnesota, some idiots decided to waste a lot of time and money and cook a one ton bacon cheeseburger, smashing the previous world record of 881 pounds. To put that into perspective this burger weighs 2,014 pounds which is almost three times as big as the previous world record. Wow, they didn’t just want to break the world record for the biggest burger, they wanted to smash it out of the water huh?
I don’t really know why – I guess it was to break the world record for the biggest burger but I don’t really get why anyone would even want to hold that record because it’s pretty useless really and it’s not like you could really even do anything with the burger afterwards. I mean I guess people could try and eat it but it’s gonna be hard to cut it up into manageable chunks that wouldn’t go off – it’s not like there’s a freezer big enough to store a ton of beef burger, although maybe the burger is like a McDonald’s burger and doesn’t change even if it’s left for a WHOLE YEAR on a shelf which could possibly work. Or it would be kind of gross if everyone was sitting around it tucking into it with a knife and fork or straight up munching into it.
Apparently it was served to casino guests for free as part of the casino’s BIG BURGER BASH but I can’t really see there being enough people at some shitty casino in nowheresville Minnesota to eat a whole ton of beef burger so they definitely wasted some of it. But who cares about that? They got the world record though and that’s the main thing though right? Not all the gross food that’s going to go to waste because of it. God bless America!
The burger itself took four hours to cook at 350 degree heat but the real story is the bun which took a whopping nine hours to bake. How the hell did they even have big enough ovens or grills to cook these things is what I want to know though because both the bun and burger are fucking huge. Oh wait, an outdoor oven that was powered by propane torches and had a fifteen foot steel skillet in it was purpose built for the occasion. That sounds like a really useful way to spend money – by building a custom oven that was no doubt really expensive that will be used once to create a one ton burger and never again. Good thinking America!
The burger also used 60 pounds of bacon, 50 pounds of lettuce, 50 pounds of sliced onions, 40 pounds of gherkins and 40 pounds of cheese. I can’t even IMAGINE what that volume of food would look like. It makes this guy who tried to eat a burger with 1050 strips of bacon and a burger with 1000 pieces of cheese on it just look like a pussy. Oh yeah, and just to make the whole thing even stupider, they had to use a crane to flip the burger when they were cooking it. The whole thing is just so ridiculous I don’t know what to say about it. I mean I like burgers sure but this just seems stupid and unnecessary. Kinda like America itself.
Amazingly, the guy from the Guinness Book of Records who came down to check it out – who went by the remarkably bland name of Philip Robertson – stated that the burger itself was ‘a feat of remarkable teamwork’ and ‘actually tasted really good.’ I would say that both of those statements are pretty dubious – it doesn’t exactly look that good does it? Although the patty is really thick it looks hard like a piece of granite or something rather than how you would want a juicy burger to look, the bun is way too flat and it just looks really hard too – I would probably rather go down to Atomic Burger or even McDonalds or something.
Unfortunately there aren’t any other pictures of it right now other than the main one which is dumb because for a momentous world record like this you would think there would at least be a couple of pictures, right? Fucking America.
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