God was right in dividing the world into hot, airy idiots and smart, self-deprecating mingers. If there were no hot idiots then who would the smart mingers make fun of, and vice versa? The definition of a supermodel as so eloquently put by some dude on Urban Dictionary: ”A female holocaust survivor with a basketball implanted under each nipple, held up as a standard of feminine beauty.” We know which category he falls into. As sweet revenge for any smart minger who was picked on at school for doing homework on a weekend or inviting the geography teacher to your birthday party, we’ve compiled the dumbest of the dumb bitches ever to grace the cover of a magazine. Stoopidness doesn’t discriminate, it has affected supermodels (90s hot idiots), top models (hot idiots that look like aliens) and glamour models (slutty hot idiots). I suppose you can’t really expect much more from women who’s careers depend on how far they can push out their bottom lip and how many junkie rock stars they date.
Jerry Hall is our first stupor model on the list with ‘I think if I weren’t so beautiful, maybe, I’d have more character’. We think, Jerry, if you didn’t used to bang Mick Jagger, we wouldn’t know who you are. God musn’t have remembered to stock up on character at the Cash & Carry before he beamed you down to Earth in the beak of a flying stalk.
Helena Christiansen hit the nail on the head when she said ‘In modelling, there is no point in trying to prove you have a brain, so why bother? I’d sooner save the energy for something more meaningful’. At last, a breakthrough! Save your breath to cool your pies (or dry your freshly varnished nails) and leave the brain power stuff to the munters.
No interview required for Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, for she has all the prerequisites for being a top model: ‘I don’t even think when I’m walking down a runway. I don’t really breathe either’. For fear of exhaling and revealing that massive beer gut we all know you have?
Janice Dickinson wants to be ‘the best looking corpse ever’. Don’t be buried at sea then, plastic floats. And let’s face it, you could double as a life raft.