This is about a month old but I only just saw it and knew I had to write about it because it’s equal parts horrific and hilarious which is pretty much what we look for in a good Sick Chirpse article.This all happened way back in 2012 and is only coming up again now because the woman is in court facing criminal charges, so in essence it’s all old news anyway and I don’t feel so guilty about posting it.

In any case, this is what went down. The dispute was between a 41 year old woman and a 42 year old man – who later died – and revolved around the fact that the man would not let the woman park her scooter outside his shop and load it up, which to be honest doesn’t sound too unreasonable from the dude to me.

The woman wasn’t having it though and the argument escalated until the two were throwing fists at each other and then she went for the money shot and laid her death grip on the poor dude’s balls. Apparently witnesses report that the woman was screaming ‘I’ll squeeze it to death. You’ll never have children again’ I guess she really wanted that parking space huh?

The guy collapsed to the ground after the squeezing of his balls and was non responsive. He was rushed to hospital and pronounced dead on the scene. You can see a picture of him on the floor after having his balls destroyed HERE but I didn’t want to post it on Sick Chirpse because it’s a dead body and you know that’s kinda gross and not cool. Unfortunately you don’t get to see a close up of his crushed ball sack it’s just a picture of a daed body, so if you’re some sick mofo hoping to see that I wouldn’t bother clicking on it.

If you’re sceptical about it being possible to actually die from having your balls squeezed too hard, it is actually possible as some urologist from San Diego called Dr Irwin Goldstein has explained:

‘Yes, the testicles are exquisitely sensitive to touch and there is a huge release of adrenalin when there is excessive force applied to these organs. Testicular pain is referred to the lower abdomen, mesenteric plexus and causes men to stop abruptly what they are doing, lie on the ground, close their eyes and bend their knees. A heart attack could certainly result from severe testicular pain from excessive squeezing.’

So there you have it. Next time you’re having an argument with someone watch your balls. There doesn’t seem to be any information available as of yet on the sentence the woman has received for this crime, but if we find it we’ll let you know.

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For many decades Amsterdam has been known as the place to go for toursits with cannabis on their minds. Although last year there were some rumours that the city would no longer allow tourists to enter one of the oh-so-many cannabis café’s, it turns out they haven’t actually changed the laws and tourists are still flooding the city with a thick layer of cannabis-smoke and we’re more than thankful for that. Of course the city is worth a visit if you are not interested in smoking weed. It has beautiful architecture, picturesque canals all over the city, historical churches and great clubs.

Some stoners would rather stay at home and smoke what they have grown themselves with cannabis seeds from the internet, or simply because they are unable to get their lazy asses of the couch. But other stoners are anxious to see the world and smoke up in the best places, and it’s likely that many of you would already have been to Amsterdam and smoked up in the lovely city, walked around in one of those dumb ‘I love weed-shirts’ whilst tasting many of the different herbs the city has to offer.  So chances are you’re either bored of Amsterdam or already know about it, so we decided to make you a short list of four alternative destinations where smoking cannabis should not be a problem and you should have a blast too.

Berlin, Germany

Berlin is alive and kicking! So many new venues are popping up that it becomes harder and harder to choose where to party on any night of the week. With its lovely parks and cheap food and beers it’s a great place to hang out in the summer. The possession of cannabis is tolerated in Berlin – as long as you keep it a bit hidden and don’t have more than 10 grams on you, there is not much that can go wrong. Of course it would be stupid to smoke up on the terrace of a local bar, but if you act normal and don’t make a big deal about smoking some grass, you will be fine hanging in the park and toking up.

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Washington, USA

Ever heard of a wine tour in California? Well now you can go on a weed tour in Washington. I personally only know Washington from TV and movies and mostly know it as the city where America’s ignorant government is located. But now that more and more states in the USA are legalising marijuana and gay marriage, even Washington is becoming a hotspot. Sales and distribution of marijuana are still illegal, but giving away marijuana without making any profit is allowed by the state. No idea where you can find your weed in this case, but if you are over 21 you are permitted to possess up to one ounce for non-medical purposes.

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Prague, Czech Republic

Czech Republic decided to change its drug laws in 2010 and ever since it seems that it has become the new number 1 hotspot for smokers. There are grow shops where you can buy a super-easy to set up tent to grow your own weed in at home and the result is that the market is overflowing with cheap weed. According to the European Monitoring Center for Drugs and Drug Addiction (EMCDDA), the Czechs rank among the top cannabis-smoking nations in Europe and 50% of people between 15 and 35 have smoked weed once.

Of course Czech has beautiful nature and is known for its great beer. Prague is a beautiful city with many nice squares and small bars and not to forget that the women are amazing, but the fact that it is legal to get high in the streets and you are allowed to carry up to 15 grams has brought many new tourists to this city in the last few years.

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Barcelona, Spain

Barcelona is one of those places that have it all. It’s a stunning city with many great parties during summer time. The famous Gaudi architecture you just have to see at least once in your life and not far from the city center you can g too the beach or take a train to visit one of the many smaller towns along the coast. But knowing that most of the cannabis in Europe is grown with seeds that are bred in Spain, Barcelona is a very popular destination for cannabis lovers.

Officially you are not allowed to smoke in public in Spain, but you are allowed to possess up to 40 gram on your person! Also there are some huge cannabis events such as Spannabis being organized each year. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that the average English tourist (ugly and loud hooligan types) become a lot easier to tolerate once you are high as a kite.

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I was planning to add Lima, Peru to this list as the drug laws in this country are pretty loose and it is a beautiful country with its Amazon and ayahuasca history, but then I remembered an article we posted on Sick Chirpse about a US kid that died during a ayahuasca experience and was hidden by the guiding shaman. So yeah maybe that isn’t such a good destination now – hopefully you’ll be smoking up in one of the ones featured in this article though instead.

Sick Chirpse has been covering a lot of ghost towns and bizarre places people live recently, so here’s a completely mental house that a Serbian guy constructed in the middle of the Drina River. The Drina is a tributory of the Sava and is pretty dramatic with vast gorges and beautiful scenery. This absolute legend, Milija Mandić, affectionately known as ‘Fungus’ by his friends built the house in the late 60’s and despite numerous flood and weather related calamities it’s still looking weird and cool today.

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The dwelling is in essence, quite a simple wooden hut but its precarious location gives it an element of the surreal. It kind of reminds me of the home-made houses in Christiania, a squatted ex- military base in Copenhagen with roughly 1000 citizens where you can buy weed openly from kiosks in the street (More on smoking weed and looking at weird houses in Christiania next week).

Milija and his friends reach the island retreat by kayak or boat and obviously have a sick time chilling out and watching the world go by drinking Rakia.

☛ Find Out More: Rakia, The Serbian National Drink

After having to rebuild the house for like the ninth time, Milija modified the roof and two of the sides so during floods the Drina can flow through the house and not totally wash it away again…

“Nobody can stop the river so it is better to make way for it

Wise words Mr Mandić. I would absolutely love to hang in this house, anyone up for a kayaking trip to the Drina this summer?

Go on, guess. No seriously, guess. How much for this abstract masterpiece – a blue canvas with a white stripe down the middle, titled ‘Onement VI’, by the artist Barnett Newman which sold the other day on behalf of Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen.

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I’ll tell you how much: $43.8 million. 43.8 MILLION DOLLARS. More than your whole life. For a painting. For a blue square with a white line down the middle. For what basically looks like a giant ping pong table hanging on a wall.

Maybe I just don’t understand art. Maybe the blue symbolises friendship and love and the white line symbolises racism, and so what the artist is saying is that racism divides friendships and destroys all the love in the world. Yeah, how’s that for an interpretation? Still not worth $48.3 million, you crazy art bastards.

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I suppose for the big time buyers in the art world, it’s more about sending a message than actually putting up and appreciating good works of art. Because if we’re judging by quality then surely this random painting I found by a 5 year old must be somewhere in the $500 million region:

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Whilst the pros and cons of technological progress can be argued ad nauseum, it’s probably fair to say that the modern world has made everyone geekier. It used to be that expertise on a subject took diligence and research; now everything can be learned online, and it has generally made people nerdier. Anyone who remembers a time when knowing what “Iron Man” was made you a weirdo can probably understand the massive swing into geekdom that society has taken.

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Some people worry that this societal nerd-quake will doom us all; that technology is making us useless. Knowledge has given way to Google; exercise has given way to Call of Duty. Sex has… Well, it’s still happening, but it’s a lot god damned weirder.

Honestly? The least overtly sexual image I could find under “Furry,” and it’s still creepy.

Whilst there is still some argument over that line of thinking, worrying evidence from the University of East Anglia seems to support the idea that yes, people these days are a bunch of pasty nerd weaklings. Rather than the Mods and Rockers street brawls of yesteryear, the most the modern generation can offer in terms of violent culture clashes is apparently an altercation at a Sci-Fi and Film Convention.

The trouble started when a Doctor Who fan group gate-crashed the event, being held by the Norwich Star Wars Club.

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Things soon escalated to what reports called “verbal abuse,” which must have taken some interesting directions. What exactly do virgins in fancy dress say to affect each others’ dignity?!

“I fucked your mother!”

“No you didn’t! I’ve been home every night with my mother for the last six months!”

With tensions running high, it seemed only a matter of time before Star Wars fans unsheathed their lightsabers and put on their armour, and Dr. Who fans regretted picking a pacifist hero who normally carries an un-pointed screwdriver and a schoolgirl for protection.

Eventually, the police were called, and broke off their day-to-day work chasing drug dealers and murderers (or else taking back-handers and ignoring rape reports) to investigate an alleged assault that had taken place.

After some questioning, they ascertained that no assault had been committed, and then probably phoned everyone’s mothers to come and pick them up.

Much as violence shouldn’t be condoned, one can’t help but worry about the modern generation when this is what they fight over. They aren’t aggrieved about the social conditions in this country; they barely notice as the NHS is crushed to powder, and don’t find it much to get excited about when the environment is so badly damaged we get snow in May, but dammit, they’ll be angry if the Ood try to show up in Mos Eisley!

So angry they might even have an attempt at starting a fight. Sort of. A bit. But not really.

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I probably speak for many people of a certain age when I say there was a time in my life when Mr T could do no wrong, and I very much wanted to be him. I think I also speak for those same people when I say that we grew out of that phase when we realised that he was actually mental. 64 year old Andres Gardin of Panama, however, never out grew this phase and is still very much in it.

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He has clearly nailed the look as the pictures deftly show. But he has an extra string to his bow, he’s not just a regular look-alike: He is readying himself to peel (shuck) the most coconuts in 6 hours, ever. He wants that coveted Guinness World Record, and by the looks of his grimace, he just might make it. He estimates that he’s shucked (is that the right word?) 100,000 coconuts in the last half century. Just to be clear, he does this task with nothing but his hands, feet and teeth. I certainly wouldn’t mess with him.

Andres says this: “‘To peel coconuts, you’ve got to have jaw power. You’ve got to have teeth power. And you’ve got to have God’s power on your side.” I hope you will all join me in wishing him every success in this proud mission.

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Wow. You may remember a couple of months ago that there was this really cool interview that was doing the rounds with this homeless drifter called Kai who spoke like he was California Man. It was about how he managed to stop some 300lb psychopath who was calling himself Jesus and trying to kill everyone by whacking him with a hatchet. It was far out man and deservedly went viral because it was awesome. If you missed that interview you can check it out here.

After that interview I never really thought that I would ever hear about Kai again. He just seemed like a drifter who did his shit, helped some people out, then hopped right onto the next train and headed to the next city, kinda like a modern day version of The Fugitive only without him looking for a guy with an artificial arm. I guess Burn Notice is the modern day version of The Fugitive but whatever the point is that this guy was a drifter, I doubted he would ever come back into the mainstream media again.

Well, it looks like I was completely wrong because he’s back in the public eye in a big way after he got arrested for the alleged murder of a 73 year old lawyer named Joseph Galfy. Galfry was found beaten to death in his home in New Jersey on Monday and police issued a warrant for Kai’s arrest the very same day. They stated that Galfry picked up Kai in Times Square and then they went back his home and had some kind of sexual encounter, after which Kai killed him. Weird.

Kai got picked up by cops at a Greyhound Bus station in Philadelphia so I’m guessing he’ll get put on trial sometime soon so we’ll find out the truth about this pretty soon. Or alternatively we may already know the truth as Kai allegedy posted this Facebook update on Tuesday – the day after Galfry was found – which takes the phrase ‘Too Much Information’ to the next level. I’m also confused as to how and why a homeless drifter has a Facebook profile and can update it so quickly, but I guess that’s just how it is these days.

Seriously though, if you had just been raped and then murdered someone would you tell all of Facebook about it?!

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We have no clue how accurate this is but it was put together with the help of a lady named Marilyn Vogel, who has a Ph.D. in Astrobiology, works with NASA, and teaches science at university level, so we’re going to go ahead and trust that she knows her stuff.

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These are her and her artist’s impressions of what the New York City skyline would look like if it existed in the atmospheres of other planets:

Earth

Mercury

Venus

Mars

Jupiter

Saturn

Uranus

Neptune

I know what you’re thinking – no Pluto? Yeah, Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. Things change, planets get reclassified. If you’d like to know more about the atmospheres of the planets featured check out the source here.

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The internet has some really weird uses. I mean, you think you’re aware of everything there is to do (such as shamelessly torrenting terabytes of porn via your university halls’ high speed internet connection, or checking who what the hightimes.com cannabis cup) but then you fumble across something which really surprises you.

There’s a site in the US which is a wiki-edited style database of police informants. That’s right, police informants can be uploaded to the site with their name, address, and legal documents such as their driving license.

No need to question the type of person that started it up; it’s a guy called Sean Bucci and yeah you guessed it, he’s a criminal (well, only weed dealing charges, but still the principle is there).

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The site, whosarat.com, pretentiously boasts that it’s the ‘largest online database of informants and agents’ and features a homepage with a piss-poorly edited picture of a guy staring at you with a face full of remorse on a green background. I’m not joking, I could probably make a better website banner on photoshop whilst getting raped by a giant scorpion.

A Boston Globe reporter interviewed some poor sod who got posted on the site, and apparently he’s “living on the run, afraid for his life”. I suppose I’d be shitting a brick too if I appeared on there.

The scary point is, people can just lie through their teeth and post innocent people’s false information on there. I’ve already threatened my girlfriend with this if she dumps me.

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Anyway, it goes without saying this site is as controversial as men wearing leopard-print Vans. There’s an ongoing shitstorm in the US about it, with the Department of Homeland security advising it’s employees to not even view the site. But realistically, all informants are going to right?

This is a pretty cool video. I mean, if a deer gets hit by a bus you would probably expect it to just be completely dead or something, and maybe for the bus to even skid off the road and crash because the driver was trying to avoid it or was so shocked when he saw the bus hit it that he just lost control. But not this deer, who must be superhuman or a superhero or have an exoskeleton because it just smashes into the bus and through the windscreen like it ain’t no big thing at all and then just hangs out in the bus. Badass.

The driver doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal either and just keeps on driving like there isn’t a deer spazzing out next to him on the bus. The deer pretty frantically tries to get out and runs around a bit and is probably in a bit of a state of shock considering that it just got smashed through a window of a bus and is now in an alien environment, but after a while it just kind of accepts it and walks down the bus and enjoys the ride.

Neither the bus driver or the deer seem to really think this is out of the ordinary and just both keep doing their things which is really weird but also really kind of cool in a Twin Peaks sorta way. The reaction of the one person on the bus is pretty classic too and is more akin to when an old white woman sees a black person get on the bus – she slowly movers her purse closer towards her to ensure that it doesn’t get stolen. Charming.

Check out the video here:

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I’m guessing that, by being a reader of Sick Chirpse, then you musta enjoyed a trip or 5 to Holland. And by Holland, I mean Amsterdam. Shit, the amount of times all of us have been to Amsterdam we probably could have formed our own little settling there, a community that promotes the benefits of baking the green, chilling out and letting the world carry all the worries, popularising promiscuity, chirpsing Dutch girls, sampling the Dutch beer etc etc. Basically, our community ethic would be to have a good time and have as much sex as possible, right?

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Everybody mostly visits Amsterdam so that they can completely lose themselves and forget about their 9-5 and their British worries and their impending break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend so they get right on it and nail down the best green and the strongest cold ones and sit back, light up, reminisce about good times with their friends, take the piss out of people walking outside, laugh at how weird the chair-legs look in the cafe and simply enjoy the best weed in town. Later on, the cold ones come into play and after a few, the chaos builds and builds until you find yourself in a threesome with a BBW prostitute and a transsexual dwarf.

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But, away from the green and the beer and the prostitutes, most of us forget that Amsterdam – and Holland –  is actually a pretty beautiful place and one that can definitely be listed near the top in the most scenic, interesting and historical places in the EU. This video shows us exactly why it’s listed near the top and will remind you off things you probably forgot (or didn’t experience) as you spent your entire time there smoking fat ones. Always remember: Holland, The Original Cool.

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Think the grunting during tennis matches is funny? Check out this chick – she is in the ZONE. Eyes bulging, guns tensing, blood-curdling screams surround-sounding all over the room. This girl is going to deafen everyone within a 10 mile radius if she ever gives birth. Terrifying. The blonde girl gives it some as well but it’s really nowhere near as chilling.

Check it out:

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As the splurge of post Christmas titles comes to an end I have unfortunately been left with nothing to review. It’s a shame really because there have been some quality games this year. But with the arrival of the sun and the lure of the outdoors, its seems there will only be a few titles to comment on. So to tide you over until the launch of the next generation Xbox which is clearly going to be better than the PS4 - unless the constant online rumours are true – here are the upcoming releases for this year and they look amazing. (Wii not included because it’s shit)

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The Last of Us

First up post-apocalyptic, third person, co-op, zombie-ish, survival horror game The Last of Us. I was slightly irked that this was a PS3 exclusive release, but in all honesty they deserve an occasional good game.

The Last of Us stars Ellie and Joel who are caught inside a quarantine zone after a fungus outbreak turned everyone into infected freaks. I’ve heard quite a bit about this game, and one of the better rumours is that you die if you get touched by an infected, which will either be awesome or annoying.Also the use of bad guys called ‘clickers’ that use sonar to find you because they are a blind is a brilliant concept. Anyway this game looks quality and definitely one to get on June 14th 2013.

Grand Theft Auto V

If you haven’t heard of this game then I don’t know what you’ve been doing… probably been outside or something. Anyway a lot of people weren’t happy with the new direction of the GTA series. Personally I loved it, the graphics and the realism added a lot to the dark nature of the games and it made you feel at least a little bit guilty when you were mowing down pedestrians. The game is based in Los Santos which is allegedly three times bigger than any GTA to date and you can utilise it however you want, be it by air, sea or land. You can play as three characters Michael, a jaded middle aged man living with a dysfunctional family, Trevor, a tweaked out crack head who lives in a trailer park and Franklin, who works for a car dealer and is trying to avoid crime. This game looks quality and if parachutes are back in it can only get better. Its due to be released on 17th September 2013.

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Watch Dogs

Sick Chirpse has had it’s eye on this game for a long time and with good reason. It is probably the most highly anticipated game this year and even though it’s competing with some heavy hitters. It’s looking a firm contender for game of the year.  The game is built around hacking and information warfare in Chicago. The entire city is run by a supercomputer that you can hack and change traffic lights and stuff. It sounds promising although the story sounds a bit overdone, from what I gleaned from the trailer, the protagonist Aiden Pearce’s wife get’s killed and he goes on a one man revenge spree taking everyone out with his hacking skills. The game looks awesome, just like GTA with innovation, and if the trailer is anything to go by it  should live up to its potential. Watch Dogs is due for release 22nd November 2013.

South Park: The Stick of Truth

Hopefully this game will not be shit. This is the first South Park game created with the legendary Trey Parker and Matt Stone at the helm, so the story will not be the problem, this game will be hilarious. The graphics wont be a problem as it seriously cannot be hard to animate characters that used to be paper. The only hurdle this game has to clear is the game play. You play as the new kid trying to get in with the cool kids (Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman). There’s not much to go by with this game but with the creators behind the title then you can assume that this will be epic. Its due to be released sometime this year.

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The Scottish are an unusual race.

Despite their widespread, virulent hatred of England and the English, confront them with other forms of racism and they’re surprisingly angry.

This was the lesson learned by UKIP’s Nigel Farage, who traveled to Edinburgh in an attempt to win more support for his party in Scotland after recent gains in England.

Things quickly took a turn for the worse (or better, depending on whose side you’re on) when an angry mob formed, forcing Farage to take refuge in a pub.

Whilst understanding the mind of a posh racist is always difficult (unless you’re Prince Philip), it’s hard not to suspect that Nigel Farage might have gotten into the whole “politics” thing as a way of disguising his increasingly severe alcoholism.

He might just be trying to act like “one of us”, but there seem to be an alarming number of images of ol’ Nige that feature a common theme:

Nigel Farage spends more time in a pub than the average dartboard, and perhaps this is the reason there are also a lot of images online of him stumbling away from a plane crash.

This didn’t seem to get reported much at the time -probably because Farage was a less prominent public figure – but take a look at this picture and try to think of any scenario where it wasn’t caused by a lunchtime gin session:

With all of the above evidence, it’s hard not to assume Mr. Farage likes the odd beverage. In fact, it’s hard not to assume that he’s such an utter pisshead that every time he lifts his wrist, his mouth opens as a reflex.

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Of course, when it comes to recreational substance abuse, Sick Chirpse is in no position to cast the first stone; many of our articles are related to drug use, and many of our writers think that Wild Turkey is something you put on Cornflakes. In fact, many of our readers may agree that Farage’s long-running Oliver Reed impression is the first likeable thing about him.

But it also begs the question: has booze informed (or, more likely, created) his political opinions?

We’ve all said something stupid or ill-thought-out when drunk, and maybe Nigel adopted his ridiculous “all problems are caused by foreigners” stance one night while pissed, and then was too proud to back down. He decided that rather than admit he was being silly and apologise, he would just spend the remainder of his days half-cut and spouting xenophobic nonsense.

It’s a bold move, and one that occasionally requires outside assistance. Say, for example, offending a crowd of people until they mob you, and then “conveniently” taking refuge in a pub.

Presumably, after Nigel had “escaped” the mob, the barman looked up and said “Ah, Mister Farage, same again?!”

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This is all, of course, just speculation. Maybe he really is just a mad anti-European toff. Maybe he’s sober, and still manages to sport a French surname whilst cursing the continent without a trace of irony.

Either way, on leaving the pub in Edinburgh, the locals were less than friendly.

Here’s a fun video of police bundling him into the van while the good people of Edinburgh chant “Scum!” at him.

Enjoy.

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Last night was Adult Swim’s upfront event which was an event in New York City at the Roseland Ballroom where they celebrated being cable’s top network for 18-49 year olds in the past year and took the time to premier some new pilots, like Mike Tyson Mysteries (what?) and Mr Pickles, which sounds slightly better. After they got rid of the all the boring crap, they wheeled Kanye West out for a surprise 90 minute set. I’ve actually been to the Roseland Ballroom (to see Less Than Jake, New Found Glory and Anti Flag about 15 years ago – PUNX) and while it’s not exactly small it’s still pretty small for Kanye West so I guess that was an event in itself.

I’m sure his set was really good and I’m told that he dropped a new song about Kim Kardashian called Awesome (which was apparently kinda crappy despite the title implying otherwise) but the most interesting part of his show was definitely when he went on a three and a half minute rant about the trials and tribulations of being a celebrity.

Now, I guess it’s pretty much every other day Kanye West has a meltdown – I mean it was less than a week ago that he ran into a street sign whilst he was being chased by paprazzi – but this was really weird. It’s almost like it’s a song because there’s some mood music in the background and he repeats a lot of the words over and over again kinda like there’s a flow to them or something. So yeah it’s really weird and you’re just kinda left watching the video being like ‘why the fuck is he doing this?’ It’s just bizarre.

You can check out the video below, but if you can’t be bothered to watch three and a half minutes of this weird crap, then you can read these choice quotes below. Can someone tell Kanye West to stop AWAH-ing and grow up already? Geez.

‘I’m a terrible, terrible, terrible celebrity, I’m the worst kind of celebrity, because all I do is make real music.’

‘I don’t want nobody running up on me with no cameras, trying to sell pictures to magazines… throwing me off of my focus and shit’

‘Somebody asked me, ‘When you do SNL, is you going to do a skit about the paparazzi and shit? And humanize yourself? I ain’t here to apologize to no motherfuckers, man….I ain’t runnin’ for office’

‘I ain’t kissing nobody’s motherfucking babies. I’ll drop your baby and you’ll motherfucking sue me and shit.’

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We’ve got some ‘sticking it to the man’ this week outside the Qingdao International Automobile Exhibition in Qingdao, Shandong province. One of the guys smashing this Maserati said the car owner had asked them to destroy the car, which costs around 2,600,000 yuan (about £227K), in protest against bad after sales service provided by the dealership. Apparently the garage had charged the owner the price of a new part despite repairing the Maserati with an old part, the sly bastards.

Now I don’t know about you, but if I’d been given the task of taking a sledgehammer to a supercar I’d probably go about it with a bit more gusto that this lot. I mean, this photo could be misleading, but it looks like the guy in the blue shirt is either suffering from hemorrhoids or it’s just his style to vent sledgehammering fury with all the mobility of a flat-pack wardrobe. The other three look bored to fuck too.

So this got me thinking if Maserati would actually be bothered by the stunt and the swift conclusion was probably not. Sure, it’d probably scare off somebody coming for a job interview but it’s hardly front-page material. Clarkson will probably make a shit joke about it on Top Gear and every fifty-something experiencing a mid-life crisis will go out and buy one of these cars.

Props to the guy who did it though, he’s evidently got cash to piss away if he can afford to royally fuck up his car purely for the sake of customer rights. I’m sure the Maserati bigwigs are having plenty of sleepless nights thinking about how NOT TO REIMBURSE HIM FOR WRECKING HIS OWN CAR.

Chances are you know someone who’s had to return their latest gadget to Apple as something’s gone tits-up with it and the greasy teenager in the store wouldn’t honour the guarantee.

Now if you had the bank-balance you could do some crazy shit like stand outside Apple HQ dressed as the ghost of Steve Jobs whilst lobbing iPads into a cement-mixer but you’d probably be taken away by men in white coats and locked up. Apple would then turn your little stunt into some snot-nosed viral marketing campaign and shift ten million more fucking iPads rendering your efforts futile and rubber-stamping the notion that the big guy always wins.

I guess what I’m getting at it is that any publicity is good publicity so you should probably just write them an angry letter.

Better still, if you’ve got this kind of cash to burn why not hire a computer genius to hack the company’s Twitter and make them look like complete goons, a move that’s far more likely to grind their gears considering social media has now overtaken reality as the primary realm of discussion.

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Amazingly, this isn’t the first time this has happened in China. A couple of years back another millionaire tycoon wrecked an even nicer car over a similar disagreement. Check out this video which sounds like it’s from a Russian newsroom, wherever the origin they apparently don’t pause for breath over there which sounds pretty exhausting but each to their own. See if you can work out the point of it all – to be honest I’m struggling.

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Every now and again, a piece of radio gold appears out of nowhere, and we thank the lord for the brilliant plight known as the human condition.

Now if like me, you’re fond of finding a reason to have a tipple or two I’m sure you can relate to the following story.

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Paula White who held a weekday afternoon radio show on BBC Radio Stoke had reached her final broadcast, but it seems as if she jumped the gun a little bit on the celebrations. In the moments before the BBC pulled her off air for being “under par” she talks of having a P-A-R-T-Y and reassures her viewers “I’m not drunk, I’ve had a couple of drinks” Below is the bloody brilliant clip of her brief air time, basically ranting and losing all ability to correctly use any of her equipment. If you ask me, bring her back, I can’t say I’ve ever listened to BBC Radio Stoke in the afternoon before, but I’d hazard a guess thatthis is the most entertaining it’s ever been……..

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It must be so great being a celebrity  - I mean not only do you have the media following your every move and criticising everything you do, but you also have to deal with people finding really old pictures that look a bit like you and then accusing you of being a time traveler, which is pretty ridiculous. Of course, I’m sure having loads of money and being famous probably makes up for all that, but it must be kinda annoying to be hounded out about this crap and it does seem to happen to celebrities more often than it should.

☛ Cases In Point:

Nicolas Cage Is A Vampire

John Travolta Is A Time Traveler  

The latest celebrity to be accused of time travel/being a vampire/being an alien etc is Jay Z because somebody found a picture of a man taken in Harlem, New York in 1939 that looks a bit like him. To be fair, the dude does look a bit like Jay Z and this isn’t just some racist ‘oh yeah all black people look the same’ kind of bullshit, but even then accusing someone of being a time traveler is pretty stupid behaviour.

Although with rumours that Jay Z might be a member of the Illuminati, maybe he did master time travel and that’s what enabled him to become one of the biggest rappers in the world and marry Beyonce? I guess nobody knows for sure except the man himself, but I’m betting he probably didn’t and is just a stone cold sickhead.

You can see the picture below. It was originally posted by the New York Public Library’s Schonburg Center, who offered the following commentary with it which probably didn’t help the matter:

‘Does the man on the right remind you of someone? Perhaps it was his great-grandfather taking a break in Harlem in 1939. The photographer, we know for sure, was Sid Grossman. If you can put a (real) name on the young man, let us know.’

I mean it’s really responsible for a library to just whack out stupid speculation like that isn’t it? Completely dumb.

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Wow, this is seriously awesome and probably one of the best examples of why old people who don’t understand how to use social media should never ever be allowed near a Facebook or Twitter account. Basically, the background to this is that there were this couple who were on Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares USA last week in the States, and they were actually too hard to work with so Gordon Ramsey just ditched them. Wow. I’ve never seen an episode where that happens, and I’ve seen a fair few because that show always seems to be on, no matter what time it is or what day of the week it is.

Their names are Samy and Amy Bouzaglo (Samy has definitely done OK for himself huh? Or is it because he gave Amy a million dollars to invest in her restaurant hmmm?) and they run a restaurant called Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique and Bistro – a name which they probably thought was kinda cute with all that alliteration but actually just comes across as being annoying and hard to say – in Scottsdale Arizona. You can see the entirety of their episode of Kitchen Nightmares USA below if you want to set the scene even more. It’s forty minutes but it’s actually a pretty good watch if you’ve got nothing better to do right now:

If you bothered to watch all that then you probably will have noticed that they’re both complete whack jobs who can’t really get along with anyone. I mean Ramsey had never walked out on anyone before so that tells you just how awful they must have been – basically unable to take criticism, keep the tips that their servers get and often end up shouting at customers who complain. Cool.

And this attitude extended to their social media policy, obviously, when they tried to respond to negative comments on their Facebook page. As they kept responding, the comments got even nastier and they had a full on meltdown on their Facebook page. It’s incredible.

Check it out below. It gets better and better as their page gets featured on Reddit and they try and take Redditors on. Good idea guys – anyone with a brain knows that you don’t mess with Redditors because they spend their whole lives trolling people on the internet. There is no way you are gonna win that one. Still, they tried and stuff just got worse and worse.

The last update is one of the best ever. I’ll let you find that yourself. It’s also awesome that because of their meltdowns they’ve now got 70,000 more likes on Facebook. Nothing like a good meltdown huh? If you want to like the page as well check it out HERE.

☛ More Great Meltdowns: 

DMX Has Meltdown On American TV Show 

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So there’s undeniably lots of shit stuff happening in the world. I just saw a soldier get his heart cut out and then eaten. No no no. With bombings, acid attacks and girls chomping on tampons, we really need to do all we can to have faith in today’s world. I do partly blame Germaine Greer in ‘The Female Eunich’ for that particular sick tragedy, for outlining that you’re not a true feminist until you have tasted your own menstrual blood. Um, no, mate.  I mean, bitches be eating 5,000 calories a day in order to be famous! ROLF HARRIS IS A PAEDOPHILE! How did we get here guys? This is why there will never be a shortage of cute and funny cat videos going around; you simply can’t put a high enough price on a smile in this sick, sad world.

Anyway, there’s some awesome Aussie dudes out there who have decided to get on with shit despite the world going down the gurgler. They’ve done the math: beer is good right? Beer is better when it’s open right? Beer is even better when it’s opened on a wheel of a motorbike right?! Spreading the love are these innovative beer drinkers, who presumably had been caught out without a bottle opener too many times and decided to take matters into their own hands using a variety of fucking awesome things. My favourites would have to be a slice of pizza, a dude’s forearm and machete. Be prepared for your daily quota of sheer joy.

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