Guy Destroys Denny’s New ‘Hobbit Menu’ In Twenty Minutes

I’ve never eaten in a Denny’s so I can’t really say whether it’s any good or not but I’ve been to the US of A a few times and I’ve seen the kind of people that eat in a Denny’s and they’re all really fat or prostitutes or smack addicts or are people who are too hungover to know any better. I know this is pretty much typecasting everyone who eats in a Denny’s but I don’t really give a fvck: next time you’re in America, eat in a proper fvcking place like a really cool bar/grill in Atlanta that I’ve been to called The Vortex and avoid franchised chains because it’s just like eating in a shitty McDonald’s or Burger King or Subway here and you can get to meet some really cool people in independent restaurants/grills/bars rather than being stared at while you eat by people with chasms for eyes and can sit comfortably rather than sitting in a horribly warm seat that’s been farted on all day by the disgusting folds of skin that eat in franchises because they don’t know any better.

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Even though I don’t like Denny’s, I do like The Hobbit. I read the book a few years back and thought it was pretty fvcking excellent so I went to see the film a week or two ago and even though I was hungover off my tits, I thought the film was pretty decent as well. As I mentioned earlier, Denny’s is a franchise. Franchises are like leeches. They can never have enough of their tipple (money) and to enable them to cash in on the popularity of The Hobbit at this moment, Denny’s have brought out a ‘Hobbit Menu’ which has things like Gandalf’s Gobble Melt (sounds like a weird porno, right?), Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet, The Ring Burger (clever use of pun – mega surprise, an onion ring is involved) and Bilbo’s Berry Smoothie. You can find the full menu here but all you need to know is that the food looks and sounds pretty fvcking grim and you should only really eat it if your missus has left you for your brother or mother or father or sister, or you’re in £500,000 worth of debt, and you just really want to die.

Which is what makes this feat all the more impressive. A guy named Jamie ‘The Bear’ McDonald – a competitive eater – orders the whole ‘Hobbit Menu’ and smashes his way through it in 20 minutes. You’ve got to applaud the guy; he survived the whole thing and rumour has it that he even managed to get off the toilet after two days. Champ.

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