Alcohol Sucks Balls – Here’s Why… – Sick Chirpse
Partygoers on Broad Street in Birmingham during New Years Eve celebrations. December 31 2014.
  See News Team story NTIDRUNK; This is the shameful moment a young woman is so drunk on New Year's Eve she collapses in the street and has to be DRAGGED away by her friend. The woman, in her early 20s, was snapped falling face-first on the pavement after stumbling out of a Wetherspoon pub in Birmingham's Broad Street. Shockingly, the woman, who was wearing a skimpy red play suit and six-inch sparkly high heels, fell over even before the strike of midnight. Onlooker Harry Sales, 32, said: "It was quite shocking because people were just walking past her. It was only 11.30pm but she looked like she'd had a skin full.

Alcohol Sucks Balls – Here’s Why…

Booze is the cause and solution to all of man’s problems. Let’s fuck it off shall we?


Alcohol Sucks Balls – Here’s Why…

OK people, it’s time to sit down and have a chat. I’ve been doing some serious thinking and I feel I need to share something with you. It’s something deep and something groundbreaking. I have come to the earth-shattering conclusion that alcohol is for losers. I know, it stings, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve only just had this epiphany myself and I don’t want it to be true, seriously, I don’t; but it is, and here’s how I came to that thudding conclusion:

1) It’s Old News

Ancient Alcohol

Image VIA

Alcohol is old. Humans have been banging down booze since the day they realised that out of date fruit got them wonky. Now we live in a “modern” society, yet we still rely on the most ancient of drugs. Surely we’ve got something better than that?

This has to stop.

Some people swear blind that if something is ancient then it must be GREAT. That’s demonstrably incorrect. For instance, here are two things which are also ancient: rape and religion. Those two fuckers are still around, but they are definitely not something you want to get involved in. Booze sits in the same camp. Ancient does not mean correct.

We are in the age of designer drugs — now I’m not saying you should dash out and try the latest legal highs, we all know that’s a silly idea. But surely as a society we can do better than mouldy grape piss? Surely?

(Continued on the slides below – just hit next.)

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